I ramble a lot. I do most of it here. I want to jump out of a plane. I'd be okay if the parachute didn't open. I'd rather die terrified than live forever.
How do you tell a friend maybe she should go back on her happy pills? You know, without sounding like an insensitive bitch? The friend that just moved here is really having a rough time. She left her friends, life, and ex back in Atlanta and moved here. I understand how hard that is. I was (am?) super depressed when I first moved here, too. I get how she feels. But she’s got added shit. Her ex is a former drug addict (he’s been clean for years) but now he’s just an alcoholic and since she moved it’s so much worse. So she’s worried about that. Plus, she’s always had issues with depression and all of that. She was on meds up until right after she moved here and I don’t know why she stopped taking them. Having never taken mood stabilizing meds, I don’t feel like I have a way to bring this up. She said they make it so she doesn’t feel the bad lows but they also make her not feel the highs. I think I get that. I understand wanting to feel the good stuff in life but her timing is so fucked. First, you aren’t supposed to stop your meds on your own and second, why now? Why do it when you know you’re about to enter into a really tough time in life? I feel shitty saying it but I almost think she did this so she could feel worse. Like she just wants to be a fucking mess all the time.
I don’t have the energy for it anymore. I have my own shit to deal with. And I don’t mind being a supportive friend and being there for someone when they need it but enough is enough. I can only say the same things so many times. “It’s going to get better.”, “you’ll be okay.”, “maybe you should find a therapist here.”
It’s exhausting and I’m already tired enough on my own. She spends too much time telling me how depressed she is, or just crying all the fucking time. I had my share of that too, but I eventually started getting over it. I found a therapist. I go for walks and make myself see all the good stuff about moving here. She just mopes, and drinks, and cries. I know it’s harder for some people to just suck it up and move on, I’m not a completely insensitive prick. But if you have access to the drugs that can take the edge off of all of it, why the fuck wouldn’t you take them? At least for the few months during the hardest transition parts? I don’t understand it at all.
Make me less sad!
Some people think being a good adult is important. That’s wrong. Just be a good human. That’s enough.
I bought food to cook a semi healthy dinner but a friend was really sad after work so I met her for a drink. And there’s no fucking way I’m gonna sit in this bar and not eat a hot dog when I’m starving. I love this about Seattle - almost unlimited access to delicious hot dogs. Yes please.
I’m too hungry to step inside the grocery store but I’m doing it anyway. I’m gonna buy everything I can fit into my basket. Then I’ll eat it all in the car. It’s a terrible idea but I’m doing it anyway.
Today is my first day on the new schedule. This means I’m working at 7am instead of 8am. This means I’ll probably kill all the everyone.
…I just had them.
Seriously, this weekend was fantastic.
I knew I missed the dude but didn’t realize just how much until I saw him at the airport. I forgot how much I like hugs. It’s crazy for me to say that because I genuinely dislike hugging people (until I’m drunk and then it’s hugfest) but man, I missed his hugs. I also missed how good it feels to be 100% comfortable around a person. This weekend reminded me of all the reasons I fell in love with this guy… and it has subsequently bummed me out about the whole situation. But not in a super duper sad way, just in a regular sad way.
Highlights from the weekend:
- Food. SO MUCH GOOD FOOD. We went to a few great restaurants, ate awesome meals including delicious breakfasts, amazing burgers, sushi, street food (hot dogs are delicious, I don’t care what you say), coffee (so much coffee).
- Booze. He got to try some really good beers and I had drinks without getting too drunk. That’s a challenge for me so I am super happy it all worked out so well. It was just fun times drinking and none of the bad stuff that can sometimes go along with it. Not even a hangover. Awesome.
- Sex. So much. Sigh.
- Seattle. I think he sorta fell in love with this city, too. We did so much. I think my favorite was the EMP. I loved it there. We also went up in the great wheel of scary. It was phenomenal. The first time around I legitimately almost passed out. I am not sure I’ve ever been more scared of heights in my life but I eventually calmed down and was able to enjoy myself. The only thing that could have made that better was if we could see Rainier, but that wasn’t in the cards this weekend. We saw the Freemont Troll, went to a Firefly themed coffee shop, ate awesome food, played Dr. Who pinball at a place that might become my new favorite bar. He even came with me to the Comet and had a drink and watched a couple bands. This is unheard of. Dude hates crowds.
- Joe Hill. The dude knows Joe Hill from his work at the comic shop back home. For those that don’t know, Joe is an author of some pretty good books and he is also Stephen King’s son. Joe was in town doing a book signing so R and I went to the reading and sat in the back. The plan was to freak Joe out by R being 3,000 miles away from home. Mission accomplished. He totally freaked out and made a scene in front of the people waiting in line and even invited us to dinner. Yeah. So I ate pizza with Joe Hill. It was awesome. It was just him and some lady from Seattle that organizes author appearances. This lady was so cool, she took my name, phone number, and email address and is supposed to be emailing me about going to the Neil Gaiman event in July. It’s completely sold out but she said she has tickets and will get me one. I keep checking my email like a crazy person, I hope she comes through. She also got to meet Joss Whedon and Nathan Fillion last week so I extra hope she comes through because she seems like the type of person I would want to hang out with.
I feel like we did so much more stuff but I don’t need to put it all on here. He just texted and said he made it through security, his flight leaves in about 15 minutes. We watched a bunch of plane crash videos on YouTube last night because we are both the same amount of crazy so I’m thoroughly nervous about this flight. I guess my only option is to go to work (late) and try not to think about it. I’ve missed you guys a lot and will hopefully have time later to scroll through the dash. I don’t think I read any posts this whole weekend.
Have a good Monday, folks.
I’ve found the place for the next Seattle meetup. Details later. I love this city.